Why, God, Why?

As human beings, I'm wondering - do we ever stop trying to second guess why God allows certain situations? We analyze, and look at circumstances, and try to listen to our hearts, and we think we know what God is doing. Yet we still get things wrong. And when we do, it hurts.

Can you think of a situation in your life that didn't go as expected? I don't mean something you just thought might go a certain way. I'm talking about something you were dead sure you KNEW was from God, it was as good as a done deal. You were deeply emotionally invested. This IS happening. Until it isn't. And in those moments, trusting God hurts.

For all of us, no matter how much our head knows that God treasures and loves us, we still have to battle false beliefs about ourselves that rise up. As much as we try not to look at these situations as personal, I think as humans, we still do. We still seek out our own inadequacies and our "less than" that stopped forward progress. Instead of trusting God, we apply our own why to painful situations.

The Power Is In the Why

Thought leader, publisher and business coach Michael Hyatt says - The power is in the "why." His comment alluded to understanding business strategies, and why you make certain choices in setting business direction. But I like it as a life application. Yes, we know things happen for our good, but WHY did they have to happen this way? WHY did God choose this particular set of circumstances at this moment? And for me - WHY couldn't He teach me this life lesson in a way that is less painful?

A couple years ago, I applied for a ghost-writing job I really wanted. It was for a high profile client, working with a team I really wanted to be a part of, and would open up huge opportunities for training and to hone my craft. It was a rigorous application process that included a series of tests, interviews, an in-depth personality assessment, and a whole lot of prayer. They were not only testing my writing abilities, but my character, spiritual maturity and personality traits. The entire process lasted from November until April.

Also present in this mix of circumstances was that I was working in a job I disliked tremendously. My employer had moved me to another department, and I was miserable. As this process with the new job continued, there were cuts made at each stage. Remarkably, I was still in the mix. We were down from hundreds to 8, then 5, and finally top three. I'm still in the mix. One of the other applicants was eliminated. It is now me and one other person.

I was claiming that job. I had already put plans in motion to move back to he area (I had moved far away to another part of my city). Sure, I understood that there was still a chance I would not get it. But I was praying and felt sure God would deliver it to me. I thought He was telling me I had that job.

So imagine my surprise when I was not the one selected for the job. I found out on Good Friday. Not such a Good Friday after all, not this year. Talk about a confusing time, and not understanding the "why" - to describe my feelings as devastated would not be overstating it.

But flash forward a couple years. Ultimately, that set of circumstances directly led to me writing my book, Crazy Praise Club, which I just finished this past weekend. That book would absolutely not be here if I'd gotten that job, because all my creative energy would go into ghostwriting in someone else's name, not writing for myself.

Trusting Your Why

God's complete orchestration of my life is not lost on me. Because even in the hours I was finishing my book this past weekend, God revealed another big "WHY" in my life regarding another set of circumstances that did not go as expected. In the same moments I had the extreme high of finishing my book, and the sadness of letting go of another situation that was something that, in some ways, I wanted even more than my book.

Would I trade my book for this other situation working out? YES! - I don't even have to think about it. Here, God, take the book away, I would rather have this!

A scripture I quote to others a lot, and now need in my own life, is the one in 1 Corinthians at the very end of Chapter 13, verse 12. It says, "For now we see through a glass darkly, then shall we see face to face. Now we know in part, then shall we know fully, even as I am fully known." I will never fully understand God's WHY with my human brain. It says so, right there - we look at our lives through the distorted lens of humanity. We are not capable of having a God-view of our lives.

For reasons only God understands, something I wanted badly did not work out. I can say, with certainty, it won't be the last time that happens in my life. At some point again, I will face disappointment and heartache. So in this moment, here today, the power must be in my "why" and in learning to trust God with all the pieces of my life. I trust, though I don't understand.

He sees my tears, He feels my heart, He knows I'm disappointed....and YET will I praise Him! I'm choosing to focus on the good that came from this situation, rather than the hurt. I have gratitude for God's direction in my life. I thank Him for allowing me to be vulnerable enough to feel deeply about it. I'm grateful that I'm not jaded and hardened. But the price I pay for emotional vulnerability is momentary heartache.

Growth In the Why

Part of the struggle I've had in this particular situation is that is appeared, on the outside, that had it all worked it out it would have created a powerful situation for God'd glory and to minister to many people. I think that's why I thought it would work out - Why WOULDN'T God do this when it's so obvious it would be a glorious situation for HIM? It makes perfect sense. Perfect sense to me, maybe, but not to Him.

There is a growth opportunity beyond the obvious. Somehow, in all of this, the glory comes more from the "no" than from the "yes." We can not like it and rail against it, but God is still God. I am a mere mortal. And I choose to trust Him.

So, for me, I will seek the greater "why" and trust that God knows what he's doing in my life. Right now, at this moment, I may not be happy about it. It hurts. It's hard. But I took a chance that, had it worked out, was so worth taking. It was a huge risk. But I'm not sorry. While it lasted, it was life-changing.

I've always been that girl who swings for the fences. That will not change. Greater risk means greater reward, but also a harder fall when things don't work out. Am I still glad I took a risk on something potentially life-changing and incredible, even though it didn't work out? Absolutely. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

Think about the why's in your life!

And when you do, Praise Crazy!